How to prevent enmity with an ex-husband - we always remain people

It is not always possible to leave the past in the past. Therefore, a relationship with an ex-husband can haunt you even after a divorce. And not always the absence of common children in a marriage saves from such experiences.

How to break up forever

Sometimes you don’t want to put up with a person or pretend that you are adults and modern people who are above “all this”. If you do not have children in common, property disputes have long been resolved, then you do not need to force yourself to maintain a semblance of friendly relations with a person, at the mere glance of which everything inside you is bubbling.

It doesn't matter how he offended you so much. Even if you parted quite peacefully, you have the right to protect yourself from him. You are free. You can move to another city, make new friends. And blacklist your ex-husband everywhere. It no longer exists for you. Of course, somewhere you can accidentally cross paths, but imagine that you do not know each other. And you are not going to meet this person. You don't introduce yourself to the first person you meet, do you?

If you are constantly facing

Your husband is already an ex, but is still present in your life. Maybe your moms have been friends all your life or you live next door. With enviable regularity, you encounter on the street or are invited to visit at the same time. There is only one option - the one who is not satisfied with this acts.

Talk to friends and family 1 time. Explain your position. If they can't hear you or just don't understand, then don't push. Stock up on a variety of excuses that you will use if you meet your ex again at a party.

Or move to another city. It is not at all necessary to travel many kilometers, even 20-40 km will be enough to breathe more freely.

How to maintain a good relationship after a fight

If you have children, then inevitably an ex-husband will appear in your life. You will have to notify him of your move.

After a divorce, it is difficult to restrain your feelings and emotions. This is understandable, but not for your children. For them, as you were parents, so they remained. And now your task is to maintain a neutral relationship with their father.

No matter how difficult it may be, put an end to your relationship immediately after the divorce. Leave all grievances, omissions, good memories in the past. Forbid yourself to think about what you could do in each situation, whether it was possible to save the relationship. If you can do this with an effort of will, then promise yourself to return to these thoughts in a year. Then your emotions will subside, and a new attitude to life will be formed.

By the way, your husband is also not going smoothly at heart. But since this time your conflict has reached a divorce, both of you need time to cool down. Psychologists say that a year is the optimal time for spouses to take a breath in a similar situation. Maybe you want to get back together with your husband. This is another argument in favor of not doing stupid things.

• you only discuss issues that concern your children, while only global issues are subject to discussion, for example, which school is better to enroll a child in, and not current and everyday ones;
• now the husband is a stranger to you, so all financial settlements between you should be carried out through the bank. This is at least minus one meeting for the transfer of money;
• when he comes for the children, you say hello. When he brings them back, you say goodbye to him. No more talking if you don't want to talk to him.

Actually, that's all. You do not even have to say hello to his relatives if you feel uncomfortable. However, to maintain your reputation and decency, you should at least nod to them when you meet them. And again, stock up on reasons why you can’t chat with them for a couple of minutes.

By the way, not always the relatives of your ex-husband will approve of his actions. Some will be on your side. But you remember that you are not obliged to listen to them, regardless of their position.

Over time, all the sharp corners will smooth out, you will be more calm to respond both to the calls of your ex-husband and his relatives. But while emotions are raging, do not succumb to provocations and attempts to make a scandal. First, you save face. And secondly, brawlers will quickly get bored with you and leave you alone.

How to make peace

If the circumstances are such that you and your ex-husband are connected not only by common children, then you will have to somehow find ways to communicate. Therefore, try to separate emotions from the influence on your decisions and actions. If you work together, then you have to take the feelings under strict control.

You need to call your ex-spouse to talk. Let it be painful, but it is necessary to dot the i's. Therefore, agree with yourself in advance that you will not release emotions to freedom, otherwise the negotiations risk turning into another scandal. Think about what you will say. At the same time, do not be afraid to be wrong, do not remember the circumstances of past quarrels, ask for forgiveness if you have something for it. “Sorry, our marriage fell apart, I overdid it with putting things in order at home. I agree, this borders on pedantry. Let's put an end to this and everyone will begin to live their own lives?

Honesty and sincerity, devoid of agitated emotions, disarms. It is unlikely that, having heard such words from you, the husband will rush with accusations. He'll either apologize, or hum softly. And that's where your conversation ends. Let it be short, but it will fulfill its mission - you will complete your relationship.

Moreover, now you can build relationships with your ex-husband from scratch. Whether they will be friendly, businesslike, partner or completely neutral - only you decide.

There are many different techniques that will help you distance yourself from your ex-husband. For example, you can imagine that there is always a glass wall between you. You see it, you hear it, but it doesn't concern you.

Try to redirect your energy not to experiences, but to something more creative. You can now devote more time to work or find a hobby. Or just hang out with friends. Surely you have those who are not burdened with either family relationships or children.

In your case, reconciling does not mean that you and your husband will become friends and share secrets. This means that you do not lash out at each other when you meet, either out of passion or malice. You can carry on a small conversation, such as small talk about the weather. But no more. So you are just acquaintances. You are no longer in a love relationship. You are free.

Learn to separate

Each of us has several roles in life. For some, you are a colleague, for others a friend, for your parents you will always be a daughter, and for your children - a mother. And the lines of conduct for each role are different. Over time, you get more of them. When you get married, you become a wife, daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law. Then some of the roles leave your life, and some will remain with you forever. One of them is an ex-wife, for example.

The same is true for your ex-husband. He continues to be a father to children and a son to his parents. These circumstances are unshakable. Separate the image of your man from the image of the father of your children. Then it will be easier for you to distance yourself from him.

Your concern that the father will have a negative influence on the children is justified. But you must give your children a chance to make an informed decision. Talk to them about what concerns you. And then let them go. You don't put your thoughts in their heads anyway.

Agree with yourself in advance that the appearance of a new girl with your husband is a normal and quite natural phenomenon. Try to delicately discuss with him the acquaintance of a new girl with children. And give him the idea that you can have changes in your personal life. The sooner he gets used to this idea, the easier it will be later to accept your new chosen one.

If nothing helps

Here you read about various tips and techniques that can help you build a peaceful relationship with your ex-spouse. Of course, at the snap of your fingers, you won't curb your emotions. This is a long process and requires concentration from you.

You are not a robot. You can worry and even cry. Just do not abuse negative emotions. They suck in like a swamp, making you depressed. Don't let them take over you.

Remember that it's completely normal not to deal with them or feel like you need help. Contact a psychologist. It will help you achieve a positive result faster than you yourself will reach it.

rejoice

The sooner you feel indifferent to your ex-husband, the sooner you can establish a normal relationship with him. So make yourself happy. You left the house, streams of warming sunlight are pouring from the sky. Or on a winter evening, the snow sparkles in the moonlight more tenderly and more beautifully than millions of Swarovski crystals. Drive out your inner beech. Notice the beauty in everyday life, enjoy the little things and smile. No, don't bare your teeth, but smile a little. Promise yourself to have a good day.

For example, tourists who have visited Paris are divided into two groups: the first fall in love with this city, and the second make a contemptuous face at any mention of this city.

The first saw the beauty of architecture, walked along the banks of the Seine, ordered croissants and coffee in small coffee houses with a truly French spirit. Those who were more courageous communicated with the locals, trying to say at least something in French. And in response, they learned about many non-tourist attractions.

The second say that it is disgustingly dirty city. All the streets are littered with garbage, homeless people sleep on the sidewalks and drunken students bawl songs.

How are they different? The fact is that even in the same circumstances you can get different impressions. The first looked in front of them and up, and the second looked at their feet. Remember that you will only see what you are looking at. So look at beauty, don't lower your eyes to ugliness.

It is very important to learn to rejoice even in those circumstances when everything seems to be against you.